Saturday, May 06, 2006

I've had anxiety dreams much of my adult life. Most of them have been sports-related. Last night, in fact, I found myself involved in a very serious pickup soccer game, soccer being a sport I haven't played since seventh grade in London. I played defense, the only thing that seemed possible, and managed almost immediately to pass the ball to the opposing team right in front of my goal. Some defense. Oh well. A few nights ago I was giving serious thought to joining the high school football team and was asking my father what he thought. He wouldn't answer me -- seemed to be thinking about something else -- so I kept rephrasing the question. Until it dawned on me that I was 20 years too late to join the team. In recent years, another variety of anxiety dream has been creeping up in the standings. This is the "I am in the United Nations without my ID card dream". This actually happened from time to time when I worked at the UN (I mean forgetting to bring my ID card). It was a hassle and I had to sort of slink around. In these dreams, not only do I not have an ID card, my colleagues all act like they don't know me + I can't quite remember how to do my job. It's basically the same dream as the one where I head out for the football field without my shoulder pads on, except that at least in the UN dreams I get to be in New York for the night and maybe hear some interesting languages as I do my best to cope with an untenable situation.

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